During a recent trip to Target to purchase food and clothing for deserving Disney-loving orphans, we came upon this particular abomination:
Intense scrutiny of the packaging (using a number of commercially available magnifying and decrypting devices) revealed not so much as a hint of a copyright or trademark statement crediting Disney for the obvious “hidden Mickey” nature of this particular kitchen contrivance.
Even so, it is not the copyright violation that infuriates us to the point of spewing forth tears of flame, but the fact that a Disney-owned, child-friendly design was obviously used to trick innocent young ones into cajoling their parents to purchase what we can only imagine is a horrifically dangerous baking device.
Despite what instructions or warnings were on the package that we couldn’t be bothered to read, this device is clearly intended to be used as follows:
- Put a can of beer in the large “Mickey’s head” circle.
- Force a disgusting raw chicken over the can in such a way that it looks like the beer can is a Lincoln-esque man with a tall, cylindrical head wearing a fowl meat hat.
- Put the entire contraption above the roaring fire of a home grill.
- Run to a safe distance and hope to God in Heaven above that nobody is within range when the beer can overheats and explodes.
Even if we ignore the physical danger, what of the mental anguish of a child who sees a bird detonated in this way? What if — perish the thought — one of Donald Duck’s nephews or some other avian American saw such a thing? Can we even begin to imagine the trauma?
Truly, this is one product too horrific to be allowed to exist. Mickey’s silhouette should never be used to create meat-based home munitions. Not even once.